It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a shot rang out. I was getting tired of watching the melodrama on the late show, so I pulled out the Midnight Intruder. The intruder is six nubby ribbed black inches of dildo atop a black push-button motor. The motor has variable speeds and runs on three AA batteries. Few people are lucky enough to have Mr. Marcus sneak through the window and slip between the sheets in the wee hours, so you might as well have the Midnight Intruder around for those lonely nights when the television programming could use some help.