Pity the poor dildo reviewer who had to go out of town for three weeks, sharing hotel rooms with cute 19-year-old skiers with names like Ryan and Alex... quarters were close and masturbation was out of the question.  I didn't want to wake the poor things with middle-of-the-night buzzings; they might think a nest of wasps had invaded and before I'd know it, we'd have an exterminator with a barrel of poison walking in.

The first think I did upon my return home was raid the review collection of my dear friend Dr. Mardonov, who had escaped the AVN offices with more hardware than any one man could possibly handle.

When I saw Christy's kit, I screamed, "It's the color of the Loch Ness Monster!" The kit is a definite winner, even before the addition of batteries.  The sea monster-colored accessories are varied and plentiful.  One large jelly dong is veiny and full-featured, able to stand alone.  Two rubbery, dark green sleeves look like the twisted poles on a merry-go-round; and the mini-jelly sleeve slips on the vibe gracefully and loves peeking its little head right up the butt.

It's always good to get back home, but even better to stay there when the Ultimate Masturbation Kit is charged up and ready to go.