What women really need are a dependable vibrator, comfort chocolate and a $500 gift certificate to Neiman Marcus. What they're gonna get, however, is another story entirely: a Vaseline-lensed yakfest which, at 140 minutes, overstays its welcome longer than the Roosevelt Administration ... and is every bit as anachronistic.

Stiffly parked around a dining room table like a Villery and Boch formal china setting, Swede and her pretty coterie share their personal fantasies while delicately munching on gourmet salad. Sexual clichés, (rendered all the more generic by laughably bad dubbing) soon begin to pile higher than a rickety Dagwood sandwich. Less mastication and more masturbation, please!

"Romance," or what passes for it in simple minds, fills the air like spoiled mackerel - aided and abetted by a cornucopia of candles, steamy showers and knowing lesbian intimacy. Their dubious daydreams involve the requisite multi-partner combinations and double penetrations; all captured in a filtered rosy glow. (And, we hasten to add, not too harrowingly close to the organs performing said actions ... lest the sensitive female audience become offended by the coarse nature of manly lust.)

The (generally unknown) foreign cast are attractive but unremarkable as the sex they perform.