Some enterprising historian has apparently strung together a few old carcasses from a Babylonian film vault, and come up with a resurrection called Behind the Brown Door. Although Vanessa Del Rio gets top billing, at least 17 other actors and actresses have just cause to hide. I mean, these loops are old enough where close visual inspection can detect barnacles on some of the pedicures.

Obviously from the title, the film's theme is backdoor partying. But it comes off more like an equation in finite mathematics to determine how many combinations and permutations one can derive given "x" number of men, "y" number of women, and "z" amount of anal tracts. Hence we get everything from boob balling to double beef jerky insertions, but the equation starts running ragged midway. In one cobwebber, we have Vanessa engaged in an anal troika. Instead of ecstasy, the woman registers a look like some wise guy's just dumped a quarter pound of Feta cheese in her bra cup.

In another segment, Jesie St. James plays a hot game of scrabble and gets a triple word score up the yin-yang. But what's hilarious here, is her getting schwantzed to the thump-thump-thumping of Deodato's musical rendition of Caravan. The bit is a classic.

But my favorite of the lot is Herschel Savage, Crystal Dawn and Betty Styles in a threesome where Betty and Crystal conduct the definitive clinic in Karma Sutraic ball juggling. Unfortunately the lows far outnumber the highs overall, yet, I was honestly overcome by a wave of nostalgia with Brown Door. It reminded me of some of the adult fare that I walked out of the theaters on years ago. Now, thanks to modern living, I simply press eject on the VCR.