There's Brittany Stryker standing stark bare naked. She can't get her husband's magic wand to do any tricks. "This is the third time this month. It's our anniversary, you should get hard for our anniversary!" she whines. That's the kind of thinking that's made Dr. Ruth a megabuck celeb. That's also the kind of thinking that starts her husband (Frank James) to do some serious thinking . . .about blondes, that is. It seems that Frank would rather tune his sex problems into the fantasy confines of his TV set — a carry over plot from another feature called Sex-O- Vision.

But Frank gets to see some real blondes when his buddy (Ron Jeremy) brings over two felines, Blondi and Sheena Home, who scratch and claw at each other in playful sex and make sounds that you'd hear coming out of a pet shop at I a.m. And things get better. Frank hooks up with Penny Morgan, a blonde, who's distributing anti-porn literature door-to-door. He invites her in to examine her pamphlets and winds up in a session that absolutely makes this sexvid.

You have to feel for brown-haired Brittany. She's putting in a hard day at the office while Frank's going through all these dalliances. And why does she go wild when he gives her hair coloring? Maybe it's because Frank licks her toes voraciously before giving her the "gift." I'm sure there's an underlying message here.

Eliminate some of the groping inconsistencies in the story line and zero in on the scenes that feature Stryker and Morgan, and you have a perfect anniversary gift for couples.