What's the difference between Tender Loving Care and the Australian Outback? The Australian Outback has bush.

What could've been a potentially torrid T & A'er winds up being a horrid W.O.T (Waste Of T.me) for butt fanciers. Rhonda Shear and Ron Jeremy (who makes a brief cameo) had to have a blood alcohol level over the legal limit to agree to lend their faces and names to what appears to be the first project of a film school dropout, terrified to explore territory beyond the pretty titty level.

The storyline (?) involving young, nubile nurses and a tale of treachery is better executed than it is original. The standard gratuitous rubbing of the baby oil and top-tearing cat fighting is pretty much as creative as this project gets. A shower scene involving a pair of pulse-quickening pretties is soaked with possibilities. Instead, it drowns in disappointment because of the infamous Cirio H. Santiago insistence of having the ladies lather up while clad in panties. Will someone please explain the logic behind this, once and for all?

Bob Wyatt's (he's also the director) performance as Julio, a low life con man, is funny to a point but quickly grows as old as Jimmy Carter during his tenure on Pennsylvania Ave. Rhonda Shear, apparently hired for the marquee value, offers an appearance that is extraordinarily average but will snare potential video viewers, I'm sure.

Like Leon Spinks (never realizing his true potential), Tender Loving Care is frought with enormous possibility both comedic and sexually, and, like Spinks, it's toothless when it could be infinitely more titillating.