Like all good film buffs, I love a "Hollywood" scenario as much as the next guy, but even though Hot Property exudes an aroma, it ain't The Sweet Smell Of Success. Copping both Leanna Foxxx's ample cleavage and a few minutes of amusing screen time as a low-rent producer desperate for a "hot property", Jon Dough delivers the best scene. The bad news is that it's the first scene. Ba-dum.

The obstacles are twofold. Firstly, the story about a struggling screenwriter (Jonathan Morgan) pitching a "Guns & Gonads" feature to his agent T.T. Boy dissolves more than resolves; losing itself in a cheesy bistro where T.T. bangs Rebecca Bardoux and Jake Williams spritzes Tina Tyler's ass with whipped cream in a prelude to an oral orgy for two. (If waitresses like these really existed, I'd eat out more often!)

Problem two is Kascha, the buxom Hawaiian blonde who used to sell thousands of units by her presence on a boxcover alone. Ending a self-imposed exile, Kascha's returned like the prodigal son; only in this case it's prodigious. (A poi overdose, perhaps?) With sloth-like abandon, she glances repeatedly off-camera for nonexistent direction during her fantasy "tease" scenes (no more hardcore for Ms. K.), prompting one to wonder — if the performance had been literally phoned in, would anyone have noticed?

Neither the sex (shot two-camera style, but not with resolve and commitment) nor the dialogue scenarios carry any of the usual DeLongprez snap; it's as if an alien were using the name of one of the industry's better comedy directors. Also stars Terry Thomas and Tianna Taylor.