Rhetorical question to directors: God knows why, but you're trying to establish some semblance of "reality" by renting a fully-dressed soundstage (i.e. ice cream parlor, strip club, garage, etc.), yet the resulting footage never fails to reveal studio lights in the rafters! What's that all about?

No answer is forthcoming, but we know the answer as to why HCHD2 is so mediocre – and it has nothing to do with the above. It's paycheck sex. Everyone phones it in.

The girls look good, the guys get hard, they wiggle around and dump a few loads. Snow and Ashley, in particular, have gone nuclear in the past, and here they fuck around with a stupid blow-up love doll.

For our money, only Mischa and Uncredited Guy manage to work up some palpable steam.

Retailing: Snow's killer ass on the softcore cover.