This decidedly bloodless feature will leave a smile on your lips and a bulge in your coffin, though for reasons you may not suspect. Hitting every vampire cliché from Hollywood to Transylvania, we find Jonathan Morgan (sounding like Bela Lugosi by way of Martin Landau) putting the bite on popular undead fiction writer Nikki Dial. She's so sweet that she can't bring herself to kill – but man, can she screw, giving Morgan the best one night stand he's had in 200 years!

In a state of denial, Nikki hires a P.I. (Steve Drake) to track down her mystery lover, then turns to voyeurism to suppress her toothy impulses. (Witnessing the animalistic anal encounter between T.T. Boy and Lacy Rose would make anyone bay at the moon.) By the time Drake uncovers the truth, she's under the bat-boy's spell, and Drake's out of a job – possibly a life, too, when Morgan finds out he's being tailed.

Unlike, say, Leena Meets Frankenstein¸ his horrorporn is played straight as a wooden stake – the laughs are strictly unintentional, but frequent nonetheless. Every contrived nuance of the plot is belabored in dialogue by the cast, but the reading are so darn silly you may want to rewind and hear 'em again – well, maybe not. Production values are also high, with exteriors, crowd scenes, even an airplane ride! But don't touch that Dial, Nikki's not done yet, not until she sucks the life out of Randy West in her new oblong bed. This one could raise the dead, or at least a nomination.