In French Twist, a handsomely mounted location shoot, relationships come and go with the lighting dexterity of a Parisienne coiffeuse.  Unfortunately, on top of a receding plotline, cowlick logic, burr-cut dialogue, buzz-cut sound and bleached blonde sex, the feature winds up tying itself into a French knot of laconic absurdity.

Single, but so that he wouldn't appear gay, attorney Randy West seeks female companionship to hang on his arm for social events, only to go to great lengths to avoid the emotional ramifications.  West's opening doggie popper with one-night stand Cody O'Connor sets the searing stage for marvelous verbal exchanges with gardener Nick East, such as:

West: Heard you and Betty broke up.

East: We did.

West: Whatever.

Betty Whatever (as played by Stacey Nichols) next to the sex life of a bee colony drone, may have the briefest screen romance in history.  One minute Nichols and East are humping doggie fashion (non-anal), next minute Nichols is out the door in la snit over house guest Barbara Doll who fits West's purposes tout de suite because she doesn't parlez-vous Anglais.  Are you comprenez-vousing this so far?

West mysteriously winds up falling in l'amour with stranger Selena who happens to be walking around smelling flowers in his garden for no particular reason while Doll has a laissez-faire, tout a vous strap-on scene (no anal) with attorney J.R. Carrington who gets off the same out-of-nowhere bus as Selena to confess that she's secretly la festive.

Toujours manure.  Stock in your soliloquizing-homophobic lawyers-who-seek-out-green-card-house-guests section.