I’ve always had an inkling that romance novels are nothing more than porn for women hidden behind a flowery cover, and when a scene from writer Rachel Love’s latest novel comes to life ( in the form of Jessica James and Jon Dough jailed deep in the Amazon jungle) my suspicions are vividly validated in a most heated fashion. Just writing about love and lust, unfortunately, doesn’t quite do it for Love, so her agent, Jordan Lee, tells her to open up and take a walk on the wild side. Although Lee is stiff when it comes to dialogue, she quickly loosens up when she nails cleaning boy Tom Byron atop her executive desk.

In the meantime, Love runs into the real-life version of her romance novel’s hero, but as fate would have it, their encounter is cut short when he spots bad guy Joey Silvera and bad girl Roxanne Hall. Silvera’s Italian accent clashes with Hall’s refined English accent, but the two come together nicely with Love acting as a catalyst for some threeway action, with Hall straddling Love’s face while Silvera plows into Love missionary style. After some girl/girl action between Hall and Lee, Dough and Love finally hook up. As it turns out, Love’s romance novel hero is the inspiration for Dough’s occupation as a freelance spy, and he shows his appreciation by fucking her every which way. This is by far the hottest scene, and Love gets so into it that she forgets Dough’s character’s name and screams out “Fuck me, Jon!”