It's been a couple of years since I watched a Private video. As I remember, they were pretty damn good, so I'm looking forward to the next two hours as a welcome break in the business day.

Okay, video in, sit back, off we go.

Eight minutes of fanfares, phone ads, and shameless self-promotion. I'm pumped. Let's get to it.

Scene 1: Sid Deuce

Nice intro.  Tom Byron does it better, but nice.  Cut to exterior shot, bathing suit. Too much rubbing, Sid. Oh fuck, here comes chubby Jay Ashley.  Sid gives it her all (I've never seen her work before), but bad editing and constant use of face shots suggest wood problems.

No surprises here.  A mediocre, by-the-numbers scene made more palatable by Ms. Deuce's enthusiasm.  Wait a second... Where's the anal?

Scene 2: Zita

Zita, a so-so brunette with bad legs who has trouble walking in heels, gets fucked by two annoying Frogs (English colloquialism for French people) on a pile of bricks.  She eventually gets runs in her stockings and the scene is mercifully brought to an end by an irate wardrobe mistress.

Do you know that the French have the lowest per-capita consumption of toothbrushes in the world?

Hey!  There was no anal in that scene either.  What the fuck is going on?

Scene 3: Selena and Erika

Sitting on a couch, looking like two overworked whores at the Mustang Ranch, wearing the kind of lingerie that at midwestern women buy from catalogues, our two beauties are urged into some dreadful girl/girl action by Christophe, who should know better.  Erika does not want to be here. She sucks a little dick, fucks a little, then scoots over to an adjoining chair so that Christophe can work Selena over with a dildo, and -- yes, it's up her butt -- and now it's not. Christophe does fuck her with his dick, and yes, he does do her in the butt -- he even d.p.'s her with dick and dildo, all while Erika rubs herself on the couch.  

At some point Erika must have been told she wasn't going to be paid, for quite suddenly she jumps on Clark's cock and does a reverse cowgirl for several seconds.  Selena -- the more spirited of the two -- even licks his asshole for the grand finale.  Selena is a halfway decent dirtbag, but the scene would be much improved if Erika had the decency to get dressed and go home instead of hanging out for a paycheck.

Scene 4: Ophelie...

... who looks like a thin Candy Apples, does two more annoying Frogs who could be called Almost Hard and his brother, Intermittently Hard.  This girl does have a great ass.  Wood problems and focus problems made me put my dick back in my pants -- which is a shame because this as the first time it had seen the light of day.  They do pull off a couple of anal positions -- geez, does she have a great fucking ass -- and a fairly decent d.p.  The cum shots are pretty good, too.

Scene 5: Bettie

Bettie is a cute little chubette who gets boned on the beach by two more annoying Frogs with intermittent erections. There's some pretty good anal, a decent d.p., some ass licking, and even an anal pile driver.  Okay, now we're rocking. Show me more.

Scene 6: Angie

A skinny blonde Heidi/Swiss Miss type gets accosted by, thankfully, the last of the annoying Frogs.  This guy does keep his dick hard through the entire scene, but guess what?  No anal.

Conclusion

A disappointing tape overall, as I expected much better from Private.  Still, there were few good moments -- did I mention Ophelie's ass?