Barbecue, basketball, and banking are still the only reasons
to visit Carolina. The day shift at some backwoods Tar Hell
strip shack stopped pissing in the beer and slapping
greaseburgers on the griddle long enough to hang a bilious
purple tie-dyed backdrop on the wall and make a fuckvid.
These broads may be
stars on the gap-toothed, cousin-fuckin’ chitlin’
circuit, but they’re just a collection of bad boob jobs
by Porn Valley standards. You’re in major trouble when
the tape’s highlight is the hostess feeding a guinea
pig to her pet snake.