We're all adults here; let's stop pretending we're sensitive, and air out a subject whose protective coloring is rusting away as the equality-driven '90s draw to a close: Penis size. Simply put: If we gals are forced to bring home the bacon, boys, we demand nothing less than a big, thick hogleg waiting for us at the end of the day.

Which is where Greg Alves comes in, with his paean to colossal cocks and the pornchicks who appreciate them. Six scenes, artfully tied together with pseudo-facts and "quotes" ("You're in for a lot of grief if it fits under a fig leaf" -- attributed to Eve) make for a choose-your-moments situation, but the scenes that work really work. Our picks: tiny LeeAnna Heart bouncing on Julian's condom-covered pole with the sort of gut-wrenching groans usually heard emanating from the bathrooms of salmonella victims; and pretty blondes Kelsey Heart and Elena, who ride Mark Davis' lips, tongue and bone to awe-inspiring heights (whether Elena's anally-induced howls and sobs indicate pain or pleasure is a matter of conjecture). Angella Faith and Shelli Sinz taking turns shoving Davis' big business up their asses is nothing to shake a rubber dickhead at, either.