If Usual Suspects had been an indecipherable porn movie, it might have borne a striking resemblance to Dangerous Day.  There's certainly a plot here, a lot of plot in fact, but whatever that plot is, the secret is safe with the producers.

It's hard to say which is worse: badly-dubbed Euro-porn, or Euro-porn that has the actors speaking broken, phonetic English that neither you nor they can understand.  For all the great sex in this with, which there's a considerable amount of, it's frustrating not being able to tell what the hell's going on. In fact, the story is so important to the producers, the show opens wiht an "in our last episode" flashback (which also makes no sense).

The story has something to do with diamonds, and a girl getting kidnapped, and a boat filled with dancing sailors, and a guy getting strapped down to have Helen Duval's name tattooed on his belly, and there's an orgy, and... It's all so tiring.  As Monique Covet says halfway through the tape, "Vhat you haf to done to George?"

That about sums it up.