Anybody remember Night Gallery, the Rod Serling Twilight Zone-ish vehicle where Serling would wander through a gallery of disturbing paintings and introduce a horror story about each one? That's the inspiration for this featurette film... except this time, Shanna McCullough plays hostess, and we don't get to see the painting until the scene's completed.

But even though there are seven sex scenes to the three stories that comprise this film, the viewer never feels slighted on plot. For instance, Katie Gold explains just enough about her aunt's fixation on a certain painting to pique our interest, which picks up after her spoon and reverse cowgirl bounce with Ian Daniels. We watch burglar Mike Horner break into the room where the apparently-blank painting sits, and vaguely wonder what's happening when a redheaded Rebecca Lord pleasures him spoon and mish style. Of course, after the cumshot to her tits, we quickly find out.

Scenario number two has painter Kyle Stone being unfaithful (reverse cowgirl, doggie) to wife Melissa Monet with model Alex Dane, but little does he expect the present Monet has left for him. It's a painting of a couch, and whatever he adds to the picture comes to life in front of him - such as the all-red Casha Rae and the all-blue Kristen, both of whom proceed to try to make purple the hard way, with a double-headed dildo. Stone's downfall comes in the usual way.

Finally, devilish vendor Herschel Savage gives Tabitha Stevens a valuable painting on the condition that she keep it as long as she lives. But only a week goes by before art patron John Decker buys it - after a hot fuck. Needless to say, Tabitha's a little concerned when it shows up later in its usual place - which may or may not have anything to do with her dream of a glowing-eyed Shay Sweet and Gina Ryder dildoing each other poolside. It's only when she tries to burn the art that Herschel reappears for some mish and doggie action, all surrounded by flame effects that portend Tabitha's eventual destination.

While no particular scene is nom-worthy, the film as a whole, with its subtly beautiful special effects, is far above the standards of most product today. Even the music, by Patrick Maguire, is excellent, and worthy of a Sound Design pre-nom. Though Private Openings was obviously shot over a year ago - Gold's been out of XXX about that long - we hope we haven't seen the last of Richard's work.