Pirates is as much fun as an adult movie has any right to be - a bubbly blend of action-adventure, comedy, special effects and sex, plus the awesome eye-candy of the combined contract girls of Digital Playground and Adam & Eve. With maritime locations and sets that include a real pirate ship, plus some superb CGI work, it must be the most lavish skinflick ever made.

Its homage to pirate potboilers is heavily laced with ironic humor (think Pirates of the Caribbean). The hero, Capt. Edward Reynolds (Evan Stone), is a spectacularly inept pirate hunter, who, with his smart and sexy sidekick Jules (Jesse Jane), takes on the dreaded scourge of the seas, Capt. Victor Stagnetti (Tommy Gunn) and his supremely evil consort Serena (Janine).

Director Joone, known mostly for plotless erotic-eyeful fluff like the Island Fever series, shows a sure hand with story material, pacing the action well and handling a large cast with many small non-sex roles. Credited with photography and art direction as well as original story, he is definitely this picture's auteur.

High Definition videography, even on a non-HD player, looks postcard-perfect, and a soaring John Williams-esque score adds to the epic sweep. The climactic battle with the skeletons of the undead adds chills and thrills.

Acting honors go mostly to the men. Stone manages to swashbuckle while getting laughs - a real star turn. Gunn, with his glass eye and raspy growl, is a downright scary villain.

But the really stunning performance comes from Janine, who dominates the screen from her first spectral appearance to her ultimate redemption. Completely inhabiting her juicy role, she has the larger than life presence of a Hollywood icon. It's the capstone of her career.

Most memorable of the 12 sex scenes is Janine's with Jesse Jane, coming late in the picture but well worth the wait. Jane also sparkles in scenes with Carmen Luvana and Steven St. Croix.

As good as the sex is, it's only one element in this total entertainment package.

Pre-noms: Best Video. Best DVD. Best Director, Video: Joone. Best Screenplay, Video: Max Massimo. Best Actor, Video: Evan Stone. Best Actress, Video: Janine. Best Supporting Actor, Video: Tommy Gunn, Steven St. Croix. Best Girl-Girl Sex Scene, Video: Jesse Jane, Janine; Jesse Jane, Carmen Luvana. Best Videography: Joone. Best Art Direction: Joone. Best Special Effects: Digital Playground FX. Best Music: Skin Muzik. Best Editing: Joey Pulgadas. Best DVD Menus. Best DVD Packaging.

Retailing: Easy - this instant blockbuster will sell itself.