The box cover of Head Coach shows a buff dude in football pads getting ready for the big game. The instructional text wants users to think big: "Score touchdowns every time you're on the field." The warning literature states that use of a vacuum pump "may bruise or rupture the blood vessels either immediately below the surface of the skin, or within the deep structures of the penis or scrotum resulting in hemorrhage and/or the formation of a hematoma." Misuse of Coach "may aggravate existing medical conditions such as Peyronie's disease, priapism, and urethral strictures." Good thing I'm a doctor, or else I wouldn't know what they're talking about. All I can say is, after greasing up with my personal lubricant, I stuck my crank in the frosted erection tube and pumped away with the easy-to-use hand bulb. In conclusion, I'll say this: Point me towards the goal line -- I'm ready for the Super Bowl.