It isn't often I get the tables turned on me, but I did recently. I met a Nice Guy at the LACMA Van Gogh exhibit and took him home. He surprised me a little in that, although he stopped short of force, he was strong and nicely assertive. He pushed me back on my living room rug, RIPPED MY FUCKING SKIRT, pushed my legs back and started fucking me. Hard. With a much bigger dick than I expected.

I was pleasantly surprised. He then slipped not one but two fingers —unceremoniously— in my ass. The surprise must have shown on my face because he smiled and kissed me gently on the lips to reassure me.

I was gutted. Motherfucker had me pinned, was fingering my ass while fucking me (well) and all the while I had intended to, like, humiliate and dominate his Nice Guy ass. So I pushed him off me, stomped into my room, grabbed the Anal Enforcer, gave it to him and said, "Here. If you're gonna do it, do it right." The Enforcer is a club-like anal probe —it calls to mind what the L.A.P.D. refers to as a "baton." To make a long story short, I assumed the position and he worked my descending colon to the tune of a series of cataclysmic orgasms. Will wonders never cease.