It’s always tragic when someone is diagnosed with AIDS, but in the porn industry, when a couple of actors tested positive for HIV—which turned into four, then six—you might remember that various producers actually stopped production while all their actors were tested. What you probably didn’t know though, is that to make up for the loss of revenue during the delay, they decided when they resumed shooting that their new features would garner extra income by including product placement.
“If it’s good enough for American Idol,” says one porn producer, referring to the mandatory consumption of Coca-Cola on the show, “then it’s good enough for us.”
“How do you know that was product placement?” his partner asks. “You’re just cynical. You probably think Bob Dole got paid by the Paper Mate pen company for always holding that pen in his crippled hand.”
“No, I’m not cynical,” replies the first producer. “Dole fought in World War II, and a rocket launcher embedded that pen in his hand.”
In any case, these producers became the first in the business to experiment with product placement for extra revenue. A beautiful young woman is masturbating with a clearly labeled Hitachi Magic Wand. “This vibrator is not just for my clit,” she says to the camera. “It can stimulate erogenous zones I didn’t even know I had.”
Another entrepreneur presented a muscular man using a feather duster to cover his cock, balls, and asshole with edible honey dust powder. When his girlfriend gives him a combination blowjob and rimming, the viewer can’t help but notice a close-up of the popular Kama Sutra logo.
Hamet Watt, chief executive officer of NextMedium, which has launched a product placement marketplace called Embed, says, “To date, product placement has been opportunistic and Rolodex-based. Our goal is to establish brand integration as an ad category.” To meet that goal, a product could be written into a story line.
Along those lines, in order to make product placement integral to the plot a porn director arranged for a couple to use a sex machine built for two, with the male playing the role of a salesman: “This is the Televibe 8100,” he explains as they undress. “It can be operated remotely either by telephone or over the Internet.”
“How does it work?” she asks.
“Well, you just hook it right into the phone, and it’s controlled by this keypad, no matter how far we are away from each other. We could be anywhere in the world. For now, I’ll simply go into the other room. Here, I’ll show you.”
He puts a Foxy Lady vibrating pussy sleeve on his penis and goes into the other room. However, it doesn’t work because the necessary four AAA batteries were not included. They both have a hearty laugh over his mistake and then they just get in bed and fuck the good old-fashioned way.
A similar theme was developed in the porn equivalent of a Tupperware party. Two lesbians have a go at it with the Penthouse Snap-On Strap-On. A group of women takes turns dirty dancing on the Johnny Lonely stripper pole, then take time out to have a discussion about the war on pleasure. “Sex toys are banned in seven states, including Texas and Alabama,” complains one babe. “Well,” says another, “I’m from Australia, and not only are sex toys legal there, but prostitutes, strippers, and lap dancers can claim tax deductions for condoms, lubricants, gels, and oils.”
Another porn movie also manages to insert a bit of social commentary. A girl is talking with her lover: “Hi, honey,” he says. “I know that you’re at the height of fertility, so I brought your favorite Trojan, the one that has ribbing and a French tickler on the reservoir.”
“Oh, that’s so thoughtful of you,” she responds. “But, you know, just to avoid any irritation, I have a bottle of Astroglide lubricant.”
He replies, “Listen, I’m going out of town for a week, but I also brought this Clone-a-Willy kit, so we can make an exact vibrating rubber copy of my dick for you to use while I’m away.”
“Wow,” she exclaims, stroking his penis to nice, solid hardness. “This is really a very romantic gesture.”
So, does product placement work for everything?
The porn producer asks his partner, “You think we can make a product placement deal with Rolex for our next fisting flick?”
“Nah,” his partner answers. “It wouldn’t be visible unless you wear it above the elbow.”
