If you're planning on traveling by air, you might want to check out the Florida Herald Tribune's "Guidance for Airline Passengers" , or even the BBC News' "Packing advice for UK passengers."
Lieberman lost the Connecticut primary and Santorum ("The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex" ) (ß link this phrase to http://www.spreadingsantorum.com) lost Pennsylvania, but surely that had nothing to do with the Transportation Security Administration bucking up the "threat level" from yellow ("elevated") to orange ("high") for all U.S.-only and U.S.-to-U.K. flights, and red ("severe") for all flights out of the U.K. to the U.S..
And in case you were tempted, AVN.com advises not placing any bets on ever seeing "threat level: green" in your lifetime.
No, it had something to do with 20 (or 21 or 24, depending on which source you read) "suspects, all British-born Muslims," arrested last night in what Scotland Yard termed "the most serious terror plot in the U.K.," apparently involving an attempt to smuggle liquid explosives and detonators hidden inside soda bottles, PDAs and other carry-on articles onto airplanes headed for the U.S..
"They had accumulated and assembled the capabilities that they needed and they were in the final stages of planning for execution," said Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, according to a BBC report.
Anyway, porn stars, what that means is, if you're late for a dance gig or a date, forget about moisturizing or putting on makeup while in flight, brushing your teeth, using mouthwash, putting in your contacts or applying deodorant, suntan lotion or "instant tanning" products, as the new rules say, "NO LIQUIDS OR GELS OF ANY KIND WILL BE PERMITTED IN CARRY-ON BAGGAGE." And hand sanitizer, as Monty Python's John Cleese would say, is RIGHT OUT!
Apparently, according to WISHTV.com ("awarded Indiana's Best Television Website"), there's also some danger in women (or men) carrying those tiny containers of "eyeliner or lip gloss" onto airplanes, while at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta, passengers must pour out cologne and perfume before boarding (which should leave the lounge areas smelling pretty good, if somewhat strange).
And remember those little bottles of booze they sell on the flights? Well, forget about bringing any on board with you – not to mention, bottled water and cups of coffee, even if you buy them in the airport!
But mother's milk, baby formula and juice for kids are okay, as long as the parent or guardian has tasted it(!) and is carrying it – you just can't trust kids these days; that Game Boy just might be a detonator for that Juicy Juice box – and liquid prescription meds are vouched-safe as well, except possibly nitroglycerine for certain heart conditions.
And it probably can't hurt to arrive three or four hours before your flight is scheduled to depart, since delays have been reported at all (and we DO mean ALL) major airports.
Oh; and passengers (including porn stars) are advised to "pack lightly."
It's great living in the "free world," isn't it? Thanks, President Bush!
But take heart: It could all be so much worse if you're departing from (or even just transferring flights at) Heathrow or some other British airport.
For one thing, the Brits are no longer allowing ANY carry-on baggage: "Passengers may take through the airport security search point, in a single (ideally transparent) plastic carrier bag, only the following items. Nothing may be carried in pockets."
Those items include "pocket-size" wallets and purses, but no handbags; passports and tickets, but no books, newspapers or other reading material (gee, hope the in-flight movie isn't Walt Disney's The Shaggy Dog); glasses and sunglasses (without cases); tissues (unboxed) and/or handkerchiefs; keys, but no electronic car-door openers, etc.; contact lens holders, but no wetting solution; tampons and sanitary napkins (unboxed); and just enough baby formula and prescriptions meds "sufficient and essential for the flight."
And for those who like to get some work done on the plane with their laptops – FORGET IT! Likewise those who might want to listen to music on their iPods, play games with their Game Boys or Palm Pilots, or do anything with their cellphones; they're all banned as well. And you know those great new digital cameras that can take pictures in almost any lighting condition? Do we even need to say it? (Same for film cameras, BTW.)
One source told the BBC that the "way we travel will never be the same again."
Indeed! But there may be some good news:
"The Venetian is the First on The Strip to Allow Guests to Bypass Airport Check-in Lines"
"McCarran Airport's SpeedCheck Advance Allows Venetian Guests to Utilize Their Time Efficiently Prior to Flight Departure"
"LAS VEGAS, Aug. 8 /PRNewswire/ -- The Venetian has partnered with McCarran Airport to introduce Airport SpeedCheck Advance, a cutting edge service that allows guests to bypass airport lines by checking their luggage and receiving their boarding passes directly on the property."
"This exclusive service, administered by Bags To Go Inc., is ideal for all travelers, especially for those with late afternoon or evening flights, after suite check-out time has passed. Travelers will be able to enjoy their spare time at The Venetian without carrying around obtrusive luggage."
"Additionally, waiting time in airport lines is cut in half as travelers now have the luxury of arriving at the airport one hour in advance opposed to the suggested three hour arrival time..."
"To take advantage of this service, guests simply need to bring their luggage to the Airport SpeedCheck Advance kiosk, located in the Convention Center adjacent to the Package Center."
In other words, Venetian guests can keep feeding those slots for an extra two hours while some anonymous airport employee rifles through their luggage!
Yep, the way we travel will never be the same again.
So the only question left to ask is, can the Bush and Blair administrations hype this crisis all the way through to the November elections?
Only time – and an incredibly gullible American public – will tell.
