Comedian Rush Limbaugh may have skated past another potential jail term today, as his psychiatrist, Dr. Steve Strumwasser, told authorities that the bottle of Viagra with Strumwasser's name on it that was found in Limbaugh's possession as he debarked from his trip to the Dominican Republic had actually been prescribed for Limbaugh, and that the phony name on the bottle was "an effort to avoid potentially embarrassing publicity for the suspect," according to a filing by the Palm Beach County prosecutor's office.
Of course, the entire fiasco was a "trap" and a "setup" by "politically biased U.S. Customs agents" who "lay in wait" for Limbaugh to arrive at Palm Beach International Airport in order to "embarrass him in the national media," according to a story posted on NewsMax.com today.
"According to Limbaugh, when he got back from three days in the Dominican Republic he had a bottle of Viagra in his briefcase," the non-bylined NewsMax story claimed. "It has been there since last December, he recalled, and he had forgotten it was even there."
"There were 30 pills prescribed, and when they counted them out, there were 29 — and yet, everybody thinks I loaded up on the stuff for a trip to the Dominican Republic, and that's what everybody was saying," Limbaugh told his "dittohead" radio audience on Wednesday. "'Wow, what went on in the Dominican Republic?' In fact, when I cleared Customs there was this agent. ... I opened the primary compartment where most of the things in the briefcase are, just to be cooperative, and she reaches in there, pulls out this bottle, says, 'What have we here?' There are 25 people in the room. 'What have we here? Viagra!' she shouts. 'And look, it's not your name on the bottle! This is a crime! This is a violation of law!'"
Notably, it took Limbaugh just over a week to come up with his tale of official persecution, but the point of NewsMax reporting that the Viagra had been in Limbaugh's luggage since December may very well have been to deflect a potential investigation by legitimate news media of the speculation by, among others, Evan Derkacz on alternet.org (http://www.alternet.org/bloggers/evan/38192/) that the purpose of Limbaugh's solo trip to the Caribbean island was sex tourism.
"[T]he Dominican Republic is one of the biggest sex tourism destinations in the world, thanks in part to Internet sites that extol the country as a 'single man's paradise'," noted a Wired.com article in 2001.
Adult producers are also well familiar with the island, a frequent site of amateur video features which employ "local talent," many of whom, when not in front of a camera, provide some of the same services in more private locations.
It's probably only a matter of time before Limbaugh joins former senator and presidential candidate Bob Dole as a spokesperson for this brand of "erectile dysfunction" treatment ... but in the meantime, the adult industry can help the morally-challenged radio talker by henceforth referring to any hard-on helper, pill or injection, as "limbaugh":
"You feelin' all right, Chuck? You seem to be having a little trouble with this scene, and we're runnin' a little behind schedule. Can I get you some limbaugh to help you along?"
Or, "Say, Bud, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, and I've been doin' two scenes a day for the past week. Have you got any limbaugh to help me get through today?"
It's the least the adult industry can do to pay tribute to one of the biggest jack-offs ever to grace America's airwaves.
