In what has to be one of the Internet's best scams yet,
suddenly buxom Michel of GiveBoobs.com fame at last went under the
blade for a good, old-fashioned boob job; score one more for
Jayne Mansfield's team. All this madness first reported by
AVN Online's own Charles Farrar.
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The bar tab for said chest enhancement/Date Frequency Increaser was also quite bosomy: $4,500. I haven't witnessed a swindle pulled off this well since I re-watched "The Sting" the other night.
Michel appears nice enough: a young, part-time student studying nutrition and thinking about a career in physical therapy who also owns a cat. Who more deserved of a big rack than she? And really, what's the harm in taking money from total strangers for doing absolutely nada? She had a dream for a bosom that a cameraman for Girls Gone Wild could appreciate and she made it happen.
Seriously, isn't this just panhandling from the privacy of your own home? It's the thrill of begging sans the tattered clothing, cardboard sign and having to stand at the bottom of a highway off ramp.
Somehow I don't think a young girl wandering around downtown with a sign reading "Will Work For New Boobs" carries the same romanticism as surfing by a Website to read about how a wholesome girl would like to enhance her bosom.
For me, it's the folks that actually sent in the money that I'm curious about. What, was "American Idol" a re-run that night, so the next best thing was to log on and send a few dollars to some gal who can now get the bartender's attention faster than she could a week ago? Are we so bored as a culture that sending money to strangers is what's hip?
If I had known people were this quick to part with their cash and good will, I'd have put up DoMyAstronomyHomework.com sometime during sophomore year in college.
A quick scroll of her Web mail shows a variety of people from all over America, offering support and financial backing. Personally, if I were sending in money for Michel's boobs it'd think of it as a form of patronage; figure a part of that new chest would be mine, so I'd ask to play with them whenever and wherever I wanted.
Whether the emails and/or money were sent as a way for many to shake free of life's utter tedium or as a genuine need to wish Michel good luck on her breast endeavor, the point is that the Web idea worked. Ultimately, a seemingly ridiculous idea engaged enough people, not too mention the knuckleheads at CNN, leading to just enough buzz in order for her to reach her intended goal: Big tits.
With the success of GiveBoobs.com and the original "Cyber Beggar," SaveKaryn.com (girl in debt needs twenty grand, gets money, parlays experience into book deal), still cashing in nicely, can BuyMeAHouseInMalibu.com, INeedANewWatch.com and CanIBorrowFiftyBucksUntilSaturday.com be that far off?
It appears that the concept of donation has reached a curious impasse. Send money to aid hunger relief in Africa? How about a monetary gift to stop AIDS? Perchance a small contribution to support cancer research? Still no? Okay, how about tossing a few bucks to some babe in California who's really jonesing for new boobies?
Yes! We have a winner. Check books, open.
For what amounts to nothing more than a front for a major con, and save for a few annoying pop-ups, Michel's Website isn't too shabby; it's kind of cute, really. But pictures of her cat and her shoes just aren't cutting it. If I were a Boob Fund donor I would demand she post images of her new boobs immediately.
Wouldn't you want to see what your hard earned dollars have achieved?
Alas, in honor (and in spite) of Michel's fleecing of America, I have decided to join the fray. After several months worth of Spam and a few screenings of Julian in action, I have come to the realization that I would like to add a few inches to my member. I've never had any complaints, and I assume I'm about average, but I figure a few extra inches would put me in elite company. Think of how my life would change and of all the former girlfriends who would suddenly start calling me once they heard about Tripp's extra action below the belt.
So I ask all of you, good and caring people of the world, to support me in the cause of straightening up and really flying right. The Website is coming shortly: Tripp Daniels' GiveCock.com.
I figure a penis enlargement procedure, often referred to as phalloplasty, will run me a solid $7000, so anything will help. I'm not sure if they take food stamps, but send some of those also just in case.
My plan is to make this the media event of the season, a full-on communications assault to get the angle of my dangle that much longer.
The battle plans: There will be a Penispalooza rock concert at Staples Center, possibly featuring a reunited Little River Band, a primetime interview with Barbara Walters, a guest spot on Letterman, a billboard in Times Square of me wearing Calvin Klein underwear, Ken Auletta profiles me in The New Yorker, Peter Morton will throw a bash in my honor at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, I will make the ceremonial first pitch at the World Series, Hustler will dedicate an entire issue to my dick, there will be a reality show on ABC where 20 girls try to win my love but have no idea just how big my penis is going to be after the surgery, I will present the Emmy for Best Actor in a Drama at this year's telecast, look for a tell-all book deal with HarperCollins, I will have my own show on Bravo where I lavish heaps of mawkish praise on celebrities and ask them five questions all pertaining to my new dick, a huge party at the Playboy mansion for only guys with big dicks and lots of easy women, I will rap on Jay-Z's next record about having a big dick, and finally I will have a tempestuous relationship with Britney Spears that gets me on the cover of People magazine and US Weekly simultaneously.
Needless to say it's going to be quite a summer.
So, I implore you to look deep into your souls and help me bring the added the inches to my love gun. AVN Online's Stephen Ochs has already pledged a whopping two dollars to the cause, so it looks like we're on our way.
And just think, with Michel's new breasts and my new ‘Johnson,' the two of us could make quite the couple.
Thoughts, opinions, cheap shots, love letters, haranguing, personalized erotica? How about a cool site I should know about? Drop me a note at [email protected]. Or don't, it's all good.
