Up Close With Emily Nagoski
Author Set for Special Reading, Performance in Culver City Today
- Kim Airs
By Kim Airs
· 10:50 AM5 min read
LOS ANGELES—Renowned writer, educator, and researcher, Emily Nagoski, has a lot to say, beginning in 2015 with her New York Times best-selling book, “Come As You Are.” The book, focusing on the more psychological aspects of sexuality and primarily reporting about women’s attitudes around it, was one of the first to have a positive “you are normal” attitude around sex as opposed to presenting problems around arousal and desire.
Drawing on her academic background and experience starting with a master’s degree in counseling from Indiana University, her curiosity around communication and behavioral science led her to getting her PhD in Health Behavior with a minor in human sexuality from Indiana University School of Public Health. From there, she was a researcher at the world famous Kinsey Institute and progressed to the director of health wellness at New England’s Smith College, a position she held through the success of her first book.
Walking the fine line between being a researcher and a writer can pose issues not generally thought of as obstacles. When asked if she thought of herself as a writer first, Emily responded, “I began professionally as a scholar when writing ‘Come As You Are.’ I actually had to unlearn my academic writing! Now, I view myself as the bridger between academia and people in general, and in a way, a translator between the two.”
Emily’s gift of interpreting communication began with what she calls her “nerdy story.”
“I was in college in 1995, then in grad school in Indiana. Someone saw that I did volunteer work on my resume, he said, ‘Be a peer health educator with me.’ I thought ‘Why not?’ We did our outreach in residence halls, talked about conception and, you know, I love the brain stuff. I kept thinking, ‘Teach the brain stuff!’ Going into resident halls about basic things like condom use is pleasurable, and wanting to make sex conversations fun, because I know it changed their lives. That is the path I chose.”
When the discussion turned to her major passion of sex research, Emily shared her utter frustration and disgust about the enormous federal funding cuts that are taking place throughout the country. “Sex researchers' funding has vanished. Sex therapists and educators funding vanished. One of the big changes is that there is a more scrappy struggle to get any sort of work done in the field because Project 2025 explicitly does not want researchers like me or any of the fields to exist.”
She continued, “And the other big thing is that we are just beginning to understand how AI is going to affect education and research in this field. For example, does an AI relationship count as a real relationship? How are we going to support people to have a connection with actual human beings when it’s easier to have a relationship with AI? These AI relationships may never be argumentative, inconvenient or sad. Frankly, I don't know what we’re going to do. But first we need to get the research of how it’s impacting everyone of any age from tweens through the elderly. Do we look at it and think, ‘are we just cooked, or what comes next?’”
Commenting on generational changes around sexual attitudes, Emily continued with her academic awareness that has made her an expert in the sex research field. “In talking to current researchers about this, I hear that young people are really, really anxious about sex before they have it! They worry about the things they might like while they are young teens; they don’t think they’ll find someone who likes the same; but they’re also worried about not having it. They worry about being in long-term relationships when they aren’t having sex, and it’s totally unacceptable to not have sex. Sex matters to them in their life and maybe it doesn’t matter at all to the other person. They have no idea on how to have that conversation and to integrate sex into their relationship, or how they can sustain their relationship.” She sighed. “Basically, if you make a promise, keep the promise before you break the promise. Before they have a difficult conversation, have that conversation! This is something not taught at all.”
Do you feel the younger generation is having less sex because…. Less education? Too much? Stranger danger? Post covid anxiety of meeting partners?
When asked what might impact the sexual attitudes of younger people reportedly having less sex, Emily could not pinpoint the reason why. “I think it has to do with the developmental difference between high school during COVID. They had a major trauma to their social development. We don’t yet know what that is and do not have the funding to study.” She brought her concerns back to the present. “So much of social interaction has been online and young people have not had the opportunity to develop communication face to face, to tolerate discomfort, it’s really low among young people. Although Gen Z has a warmer embrace of diversity, they can do what they like, and if there's no rules, how do they know what they are supposed to do? Before when there was a script, like ‘what to do’? We have not prepared young people with a strong understanding of what their body likes and what reaches them. Sexually explicit material is many things but not sex education.”
When asked about returning to academia, Emily flatly stated, “I would not want to go into an academic setting for many years. This is not new to me. During the second Bush administration, the same thing happened where they had filters in place for grant applications, so you had to work around it. Did I in 2004 think that was as bad as it was ever going to get? It’s so much worse now.”
So Emily, with her identical twin sister Amelia, decided to pivot and combine their two talents to present something completely different. Emily, the academic, and Amelia, the musician, have paired up and are developing a project tentatively titled, ‘Orgasm the Musical.’ Emily explained, “I have been answering the same sex questions for thirty years now and when you’ve been answering the same ones, you need to make it fun for yourself! Why doesn’t this generation know about sexual fluidity? Why doesn’t everyone know about arousal non-concordance or arousal? I've spent the last 30 years looking at the questions for over 30 years, and Amelia has written all of the songs for the musical! We haven't performed the whole thing yet and it will be interesting to see how I feel about the traveling troubadour and sex educator.”
Another first for Emily Nagoski. Perhaps add a Tony Award to her list.
Emily will be appearing at The Ripped Bodice in Culver City at 7 p.m. today for a special reading and performance.