Anka Radakovich's Sexplorations column ran in the March 2020 issue of AVN magazine. See the digital edition here. Pictured above: Satisfyer Plugs and the Aneros MGX Syn Trident.
A recent study of “sexual anxiety” asked 1,000 people what sex acts they found most “nerve wracking.” The number one answer: “anal sex.” The survey also asked what sex acts they wanted to do the most. The number one answer: “anal sex.” It seems the sexual activity that scares people the most is the one they secretly want to do. (Scary yet exciting BDSM came in a close second, BTW.)
Anal sex is less taboo these days, with anal in porn de rigueur, and straight men realizing they’re not gay just because they want their wife to give them a good “prostate massage.” Yet a lot of people who watch anal porn don’t really know how to do it. Sex education is needed in such matters, as schtupping the pooper is not something usually taught in sex ed health class.
Sex toy stores like the Pleasure Chest, where I attended a blow-by-blow “How to Have Anal Sex” class that was packed, made me realize that adult sex education is the way to sell sex toys. Sex education sites like O.school offer sex education videos that you can watch with a partner, then do what you just learned. The classes are taught by everyone from gynecologists to porn stars.
Butt Toys for Boys and Girls
Aneros, the expert anal sex toy company, believes that anal sex-ed is the way to go. The company’s “learning center” recommends toys for beginners to “advanced” ass players.
“For those with prostates, the final frontier for self-pleasure is the prostate itself,” the site says. “Although anal play is still a mostly taboo subject, those who have yet to explore the wondrous results of prostate massage are missing out on the Super-O, a show-stopping climax that can only be reached using tools made for prostate play.” Anal prostate massagers and sex toys, used with a partner or oneself, can make men “harder, last longer, and have better control.”
The Aneros guide teaches people how to prepare for anal play, what type of toys to get, and what positions for “anal access” work the best. The blow-by-blow instruction for men includes “The best way to massage your prostate is through anal penetration. You can also get some indirect stimulation by firmly pressing the perineum [the area between Anusville and Scrotumville] up towards the head, but the fact that you’re going through layers of muscle and other tissue means that the massage is less focused. It’s like giving someone a back rub when they’re wearing a sweater. It can feel good, but it’s not the same thing. It can take some practice to get used to anal penetration, especially since the muscles tighten up when you feel stressed, anxious, or worried.” Relax, it’s just anal sex. For more, visit Aneros.com.
Meanwhile, the folks over at CalExotics.com take a fun approach to marketing their sex toys, giving their toys names like Booty Call Booty Trainer, Chubby Exciter, and Vibrating Tushie Trainer, which gives you an idea of what you will be doing with these things. They offer toys for beginners, with kits that contain three different sizes, and toys specifically designed for women who want to do their man up the butt, like the Pegging Probe, a sex act that is gaining in popularity. And their Silicone Lone Rider Dual Penetrator is good for anyone who wants to try all this anal play at home, alone. For more, visit CalExotics.com.
Satisfyer, a pleasure product brand best-known for its highly effective clitoral stimulators and couples vibrators, also moved into the anal toy categroy. Under the Satisfyer Plugs brand, the company has released these sets of three anal plugs in various shapes (pictured above). Each plug has a looped handle for easier manipulation and retrieval. Available in all black or in a mixture of pastels, the plugs feature bulbs, swirls and graduated segments so each one delivers a different type of sensation. For more, visit US.Satisfyer.com.
Lube Is Good
Lube is essential when having anal sex, and it will prevent everyone from googling “anal prolapse” at 2 in the morning. Keep in mind that silicone lube tends to degrade sex toys, oil-based lube degrades condoms, and water-based lube, although compatible with everything, dries out faster. But all lube is good lube when you are venturing up the Hershey Highway.
The trendiest lube these days is CBD-infused lube. They are made with various oils, but my favorite is from Foria (ForiaPleasure.com). The Foria Awaken CBD Arousal Oil is nice too, but the Intimacy CBD Lubricant, made with organic liquid coconut with broad-spectrum hemp extract, completely relaxes everything it touches—and when doing anal, you want your backdoor completely relaxed. In a way, I like CBD lubes better than the “desensitizing creams” made with numbing lidocaine, which feels like your ass just went to the dentist, but some anal enthusiasts swear by them.
Angela Watson, a sex toy reviewer on DoctorClimax.com, says her two top picks for desensitizing lubes are Adam & Eve’s Desensitizing Gel and Passion Lube Maximum Strength Lubricant. “Give them both 10 to 15 minutes to kick in” she says, before you stick anything up there.
Her five top picks for anal lubes: Penchant Premium, Valm Ultra Lasting Lube, Uberlube, Boy Butter and Shibari Personal Lubricant.
The Back End
And finally, as a general anal sex tip to men and women, if you’ve never done the back door before, take it slow. You don’t want to do “surprise anal attack” and rip someone a new asshole. In the meantime, bone up with a good book like Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women or Bill Brent’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men.
Anka Radakovich is a certified sexologist, sex educator and author of three best-selling books, including her latest, The Wild Girls Club, Part 2. She has written columns about sex and relationships for Details, British GQ, Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Redbook and Cosmopolitan. She is now a columnist for Brides, and a screenwriter who writes romantic comedies filled with dick jokes. Follow her on Twitter: @ankarad.
