LAS VEGAS, Nev.—Accused-but-not-convicted murderer Orenthal James (O.J.) Simpson hasn't exactly had it easy these past nine years since he was found guilty of armed robbery and kidnapping after a failed attempt to steal back some of his sports memorabilia from their owner in a Vegas casino hotel room. Take it from us: Prison food is crap no matter how you look at it, quarters are uncomfortable to say the least, and worst of all, there's virtually no privacy, so masturbation is barely an option to relieve one's genital frustration.
So it's hardly surprising that the 70-year-old's first non-cafeteria-style meal upon exiting the Lovelock Correctional Facility was McDonald's burgers and fries—and even less surprising that he (or, actually, someone on his behalf) contacted Dennis Hof, owner of the world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch, to try to arrange an appointment with one of the brothel's working girls.
"As far as I know, things are going down," Hof told Radar Online. "[Simpson friend Tom] Scotto is going to come up here next week and check it out then go back down to Vegas. Then we’re all going to get together and hang out and party a little bit and have some fun with some gorgeous company. It all depends on O.J.'s schedules and meeting with the parole officers. It's going to happen. The Bunny Ranch and the Bunny Ranch girls are anxious for O.J.'s visit."
While there are several types of women to choose from at the Ranch, Scott reportedly selected Tiara Kae, who is reportedly a lookalike for Simpson's late wife, Nicole Brown, for Simpson's first coupling.
"That’s the girl that Scotto has interest in and he of course thinks O.J. will like her too," Hof explained. "She is a stunner."
And it should be an easy commute. After at least two acquaintances turned down overtures to have Simpson stay with them, according to the New York Post, "Scotto was finally able to make arrangements with another pal to put Simpson up at his palatial estate just minutes from Vegas. The 5,000-square-foot home is in a gated community with a golf club."
Um ... Go, O.J.!
Pictured: Tiara Kae and O.J.
