Some viewers might convince themselves that 150 minutes offers more bang for the retail buck, but we who don't have to "pay for it" also don't have to feel so obliged. The threesome-heavy Two Whores drags like a Sabranie Ultra Long cigarette — i.e. East European (minus the heat and smoke).

A smeary PAL-to-NTSC transfer doesn't help matters. Nor would it be fair to blame the performers. Everybody's got to make a living, and apparently all the rocket scientist gigs are filled. They do what they're required to do, and don't look half bad doing it ... but for all the co-motion, the results are akin to a moving magazine layout featuring Boris and Natasha. And that's the straight Pravda, comrade.

Retailing: Euro-filler-upper.