Everyone knows, the first thing you gotta do before setting out on a road trip is to make sure that the engine is working and the tank is full. Unfortunately, a number of related maintenance problems prevent this vehicle from passing close inspection.

While most of the lane-changers can get it up, but not all get off. It seems to us that crashed expectations are bound to develop after watching too many greaseless monkeys try, unsuccessfully, to deliver their trans-emissions.

Additionally, the "girls" are not so convincing. One who shall go nameless sports a tiny pair of sideburns – D?oh! – and another is a mere transvestite. Really, now. Who'd buy a Maserati chassis with a Citroen engine under the hood?

Having abandoned the trip theme for a vertical journey up the stairwell housing its operators, TRT5 doesn't even get out of the garage.

Retailing: Lots of appealing traffic on the cover.