"It's Wednesday, 8:15 a.m. A sunny day in the city where men are men and women are lonely . . . My name is Thursday, Joe Thursday ... I carry a badge." So begins one of the funniest, sexiest, best-written feature videos to hit the home screen this year. The Sheets of San Francisco is a great take-off of "Dragnet," TV evangelists, movie stars and just about every cop show ever made.

Candie Evans is Candi Mundee (a fantastic deadpan acting job), Thursday's (Kevin James) new assistant. He's not pleased: "It's just that when the heat's on, I want a man behind me," he complains. Mundee points out "(A) lot a men in San Francisco feel that way," and the fun begins as they try to track down Norris Stallone, film god.

They first try Erica Boyer, a photographer playmate of Stallone's. Candie goes in alone, but finds out nothing about Stallone except what his organ looks like. That's right . . . Boyer has a dildo replica, and it even says "Yo!" The two have quite a time trying out the toy (a fairly long, although very enticing scene), and then Mundee and Thursday go see Norris's spiritual advisor, The Rev. Peter Slipwell. His message? Inner peace through intercourse and peace of mind from piece of ass! He's initiating one of his virgins into the way of joy that can rise within us. Raymond Dandee camps it up for everything he's worth in his portrayal of the reverend, and it's one of the best performances in an XXX'er ever. And he has more than adequate help from Renee Hunter, as the girl who wants to make his organ chime! The story goes on, but it's not overly important.

The sex here is quite good; the scenes are long and involving, but the camera work leaves much to be desired. There are too many facial shots and close-ups, and not enough full-body shots, but the scenes themselves are very active and fairly erotic. Especially good is the Boyer/Evans duo, and Dandee and Hunter. But, they fall just shy of great.

Nonetheless, Sheets of San Francisco remains a must see! It's erotic, fun and funny. This is especially recommended for couples, and anyone with a sense of humor. Or for those of you who want to find out what Joe Thursday really likes . . . after all, the story you have just seen is true, but the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Innocent? Hah! Not here!