Lesson number one: If you're a slave, and you're late to meet your Master for a session, you better keep right on driving, because not only will he be mad, he's going to get into the psychology of being late, which might hurt more than the inevitable paddling.

In Tardy Cane's Session With Mark E. DeSade, Tardy earns her nickname by showing up late, and then proceeds to get her already bruised ass paddled with spoons and brushes, followed by a gigantic paddle. The feature is only 27 minutes long and is punctuated by three speeches on the nature of lateness. Not that Master DeSade doesn't do a ton with the time he has, because, by the end of this, watching the skin flay from her ass, you're pretty much watching The Passion of Tardy Cane. It's painful, and only true fans of spanking and BDSM will love it, but they will love it large.

Again, whatever you do, don't be late to meet this man.