The boxcover's a sure tip-off, as the model faces away from camera, hugging a wall – most likely in embarrassment for association with this project. The plot, which was probably made up on the way to baggage claim (yes, it really is shot on the French Riviera, though you'd hardly know it) is explained with a title card: Biff and Geoff are investors in a porn video who've come in to check out the producer, Dick Nasty.

Just when you're wondering where the soundtrack went, it comes screaming on like a 747 landing in a wind tunnel, covering up the dialogue . (Not that it matters, since the performers look uncomfortable enough merely standing around.) Okay, you say. It's just porn! Forget the plot! Forget the dialogue! How's the sex?

As "good" as the plot and dialogue, I'm afraid. Biff nabs the two best scenes by default, with Natasia and Taylor Wane. They're not particularly special but at least they're genuine. (The latte, shot on a boat, may induce sea-sickness but at least it attempts to capture some of the native scenery.) "Attempt" is also what Nasty and Coldwater do with their lady friends; watching these boys hump is akin to viewing televised golf.