The pre-cum is the show here. Tightly edited and cleanly shot before-bukkake footage introducing fluffers and studs actually provides an awesome hors d'oeuvre before the main course. The producers have effected a kind of sidewalk café setting, and the wankers-to-be are well-groomed, most of them in suits, as they sample a glass or two of wine and the bare-butted attention of handmaidens Tara and Lianne. The progression through tease, petting and true fluffing is perfectly paced.

Nicole Sheridan is wheeled out, done up as a head on a silver platter. She's further adorned tout suite by spurts of sticky spunk, which she weathers with the pleasantest of expressions beneath a cottony cloud of white-gold hair. Glazed donut for desert, anyone?