Within the first five or 10 jaw-dropping minutes of Naked and Famous – or more accurately, when the initial shock and awe of its jaw-droppingness cleared enough for some thought processing to take place – the most accurate summation this critic could most likely concoct for the thing popped into mental view like that neon Dirk Diggler sign in Boogie Nights: "If Tarantino made a porn flick, it might rock this hard."

Marking pornstress Kimberly Kane's first donning of the directorial cap, this is the most stunning such debut we've witnessed since, well, her partner in crime, JacktheZipper (who shot and edited the ditty at hand), unleashed 2004's Best All-Sex Release, Stuntgirl (released by Hustler Video).

Sort of bashing you over the head from moment one with its frantic, rock-?n-roll-scored title sequence, Naked and Famous seizes you instantly like a shot of adrenaline and never lets go. Diving right into an electric, fluorescent-lit threeway in an upper-level hotel room between Kane, Mr. Marcus and the spectacular Faith Leon – with KK sporadically snapping Polaroids of the action, which, in accordance, goes into freeze-frame itself once or twice – this joyride makes it clear upfront that it's bridging that yawning gap between the artistically inspired and the stupendously strokable.

Next getting rockabilly for a little lesbionic caning and light bondage with Roxy Jezel and Smokin' Mary Jane in a bright red shower stall, the production just hypnotizes, holding you in a fevered trance through more and more decadent and pulse-throbbing sequences.

In the title's most daring scene, Dana Vespoli gets two-teamed by Otto Bauer and Alec Knight right in front of a large horse, who pokes his nose in a little too close for comfort to some of the proceedings. After that, the lesbianism continues, with Dani Woodward joining Jane and Jezel – highlighted by Woodward and Jezel riding dildos strapped to each of Jane's legs – and the strobe-like finale has Kane and Lexi Love performing gloryhole services on a few anonymous members.

We haven't even gotten into the amazing soundtrack, assembled by Kane via MySpace, and the unusual and highly entertaining Behind the Scenes footage. But what do want us to do, ruin the whole thing for ya? Nah, that'd be just wrong.

Pre-noms: Best Threeway (Faith, Kane & Marcus), Best All-Girl Scene (Woodward, Jane & Jezel), Best Oral Scene (Kane, Love & The Gloryhole Boys), Most Outrageous Scene ("Mr. Head"), Best Videography (JacktheZipper), Best Editing (JacktheZipper), Best Art Direction, Best Packaging, Best DVD Menus, Best Director – Non-Feature (Kane), Best All-Sex Release.

Retailing: Tell ?em they better prepare to be blown away. Like, way away.