Let's take a moment to salute the uncredited writer of this opus, who evidently saw the abysmal mainstream film For Richer, For Poorer and said to himself, "You know, there's a porn vid in this!"

City slicker Byron Long gets himself into trouble over a drug deal, and FBI agent Johnny Thrust gives him a fake beard and sends him to hide out with an Amish family (patriarch Dave Hardman, his wife Candy Vegas, and their daughters Regan Starr and Zoe May) in the Pennsylvania Dutch country as their long-lost "Cousin Jedediah."

After a dinner of knockwurst and sauerkraut, double entendres about the similarities between the dinner sausage and Byron's own "big wiener" abound, with all the Amish women enthusiastically receiving a chunk. While never quite incendiary, the sex is all pretty solid; standout honors go to angelic box cover blond Zoe May's d.p. with Long and Jay "Isaiah" Ashley; and a hot Long/Candy Vegas anal.

The acting is so horrific, it's hilarious. We dare you not to laugh whenever Dave Hardman appears on screen wearing a white beard and acid-flashback facial expression--and then speak in an accent that falls somewhere between Swedish and Jamaican.