Wowie, golly, gee willikers! Did ya' catch a look at those babes? That girl's got perfectly shaped breasts! And look at that tan and that tight little tuss! Jeepers creepers, what a bod!

OK. OK. Now that that's out of my system, I can begin reviewing Hardbodies 2, the mindlessly wretched sequel to the similarly wretched Hardbodies. As bad as the original was, this silly softcore outing makes it look like Platoon in comparison.

In this dope-us, an American film crew arrives on a gorgeous Greek Island to shoot a flick called Foreign Affair. Rather than the first mate and the skipper, too, the isle seems to be inhabited exclusively by lithesome bathing beauties. But Scott (Brad Zutaut), the horny star of the film, can't keep his mind on performing or his hands off some of the area's curvy females. The film's important role of Greek goddess Cleo has not yet been/cast. Scott soon finds the perfect woman for the role, a stunning looker from the area, played by the fetching Fabiana Udenia.

Now, this premise may be enough for a cute little movie. Unfortunately, director/co-writer Mark Griffiths pads the premise with a barrage of stale T&A jokes, poorly executed sight gags and idiotic characters. Even within the bikini-bimbo sub-genre of softcore, this movie is a waste. Not of talent, either, but of titillating female forms.

Suggestion to all interested parties. Use the scan on your VCR to get past any parts other than those which showcase tanned, sexy female bodies. In all other areas, Hardbodies 2 will prove Greek to you.