If there's such a thing as reincarnation, let me come back in the next life as a Doc Johnson toy planted squarely up Tiffany Minx's ass.

And speaking of Doc Johnson toys and assholes (the physical variety)... there's enough of both to go around in the Kym Wilde/Duck Dumont collaboration Girls Will Be Boys Parts #5 & #6 to keep the all-girl enthusiast reasonably satisfied, but short of driving off a cliff in insane delirium.

Both features could just as well be perceived as extended infomercials for the good Doctor (Johnson). Like all competent endorsements, the products are conspicuously packaged, copiously fondled and unabashedly lathered over with adjectives until called upon to do combat (you know, like the hose in the red case that says in case of fire, break glass).

In one scene (Part 5), Debi Diamond says something to the effect that toys are better than men..."they don't smoke, they don't drink, they don't leave a mess around the house...and they don't fart." Debi's perfectly correct. I certainly wouldn't want to use an anal prober that cuts the cheese while I'm shoving it up my ass.

Speaking of farts, one of the toys that gets ample play in both features is the E.Z. Rider Rocker. Designed like a small beach ball with a protruding dick, the product when straddled creates a distinct whoopie cushion sound. The Rocker is used in Part 5 in a group encounter with Mynx, Diamond, Melanie Moore, Serenity and Teri Diver. Serenity gets to play ride 'em cowgirl. Woe be it, she gets the headless horseman treatment since the camera lops off her pretty noggin in the frame. (A recurring symptom of both features).

Part 6 shows more extended wear for E.Z. in a scene involving Angella Faith, Teri Diver and Laurie Cameron. Laurie, by the way, establishes an industry first by playing a couple of piano solos (for real) and taking it up the butt when she links up with Angella Faith in an ass-to-ass twin-headed dildo meditation.

Part 6's major event is its finale, presenting a poolside gambol with blonde Sasha Savage (who has more teeth than the Kennedy family), Nikki Shane, Chris Collins and pretty newcomer Taj Mahal. Taj Mahal is a welcome addition to the fray, as her beautiful brown butt gets a going over in Part 5, courtesy of Moore and Diamond; and in Part 6 in an entertaining shower sequence with Kym Wilde and Cameron, besides the pool mini-orgy.

Both features balance attractive inside and outdoor locales reasonably well. But sans formal script, and therefore with more latitude to conceptualize and execute, they offer little in the way of novelty (salesgirls demonstrating dildos?) or anticipated all-girl filth. Serenity in Part 5, as she strips out of her bikini, looks fabulous pleasuring herself in a spa before salesgirl Teri Diver happens along to finish the job, but Teri needs more time to finish it. The editing room doesn't give these scenes enough elbow room to work themselves out to complete viewer satiation.

The big scene in Part 5 is the Diamond-et. al. orgy referred to earlier, but the disappointment of Part 5, in general, is the enormous sex appeal of its cast which seems squandered in direct proportion to what plays on the screen. Oh come on, now, Diamond and Tiffany Mynx in the same scene and they don't get a chance to face off with one another? And not a drop of oil in sight? That's like watching the "Royal Rumble" with the wrestlers wrestling themselves. Part 6, on the other hand, gets more adaptable mileage from its participants but less marquee value.

Be sure to market the complete series in your all-girl section.