“Seems like I been here before… I can’t remember when… Oh yes I can…” – Harry Chapin

Supposedly, the last James Bond movie was to be You Only Live Twice, where the British Secret Service agent with a license to kill was retired.  However, we soon found many new settings and situations to reuse the Bond character.  Sean Connery was replaced by Roger Moore.  There were also several take-offs, including Don Adams in Get Smart.

Just when you thought you’d had enough, the adult film industry decided to put out a plethora of James Bond, sexually oriented spy spoofs.  They are mostly trite, overdone and usually poorly produced and directed.  For Services Rendered, unfortunately, falls into the same category.  But there are some high points that save this film from complete failure.

First the bad points: overweight, overaged, and undersexed actors make up the starring characters in this film. The main player, James “Bomb,” played by Ian MacGregor, is old, fat and can’t even get it up for Queen and Country.  He proceeds all over the world tracking down his archenemy “Thunder Pussy (gimmie a break… PLEASE!).  In fact, he spends almost the entire film hunting down his criminals and very little time getting down with them.  There are long, drawn out periods between each sex scene, and then only a few of the sex segments are worth the wait.

As for the good points, there are some interesting travelogue scenes of London, Istambul, Paris, the Bahamas and Russia. But the highlight of the film is the performance by Bridgette Monet as Ms. Moneypecker and her Siamese-friend Dave Cannon.  But as a whole, payment should not be made… For Services Rendered.