Incompetently directed, misleadingly titled (criminally so), laughably dubbed and - most importantly - about as hot as a witch's tit, this Montreal import is pretty much an unmitigated disaster.

Director Marc Hendrix makes so many bush-league mistakes it's difficult to decide which one to rag on first. The four sex scenes are in large part uncommonly lifeless, with nary a moan or a groan from the performers - like some weird, silent, pre-"talkies" porno flick - regardless of whether the tape's lame disco/techno soundtrack is playing on top of the supposed "action."

Look, it's pretty hard to fuck up a sex scene with the likes of the breathtakingly beautiful Barbie Belle, but Hendrix does so with flying colors. Not even with a crane could one get it up watching most of this Sominax substitute.

Then there's the tape's visual style - or, to be more accurate, lack thereof. The camera is basically planted at mid-range and left there to passively record such sights as the little terrier that wanders into the frame in the closer, prompting Diamond to take time out from blowing some guy to pet it (we kid you not).

The editing ain't much better, as evidenced by one scene in which Hendrix jarringly cuts from some cocksucking to a doggy position without a penetration shot. And in the closer, he keeps inexplicably cutting away from the tepid sex to what looks like a flowing drainage pipe?!? Any intended symbolism is certainly lost on this reviewer.

But arguably the most infuriating thing about Fetish Junkies is its title. With the exception of lightweight, garden-variety fetish garb some of the performers wear and a blink-and-you'll-miss-it pissing scene, there's nothing even remotely kinky about it.

Why New Sensations would want to risk its rep on this thing is unfathomable. It's blasphemous to even mention it in the same breath as such award-winning New Sensations fare as Dark Angels and Four Finger Club.