Hi kids. Welcome to my world of Kinkorama... where boy meets girl, boy falls in like with girl, where girl humiliates boy and then chains him to the ceiling from his testicles. Ouch! I used to go out with a guy whose privates I would've liked to tie up like the guy in All-American Super Bitches.

I usually like Bizarre Video's creative shot-on-video featurettes of leather and spanking, but this one gas ugly, ugly people who can't act their way out of a vice. Well, the Baroness Silver has great chins. I love this dialogue, such as "Lick me leather maggot," or the guy reading cue cards saying, "Like I wanna, like, uh, be under your control, uh, mistress, uh." I suppose some people don't mind this ineptitude but, uh, I mean really.

The bondage is actually too light for my taste, although the opening has fireworks and original music. There's a mammoth-sized dildo scene, boot-licking and fishnet stocking sucking, lessie lady rasslin' (is that where this guy the grand matriarch comes in?) and spanking (which I watched in speed search to a Jacksons tune and it was in synch). I was tired of the tape by the time they latched clothes pins on the man's nipples, but, of course, I was saved by the closing... the haunting love theme from All-American Super Bitches."