There are some so foolish as to claim that there is nothing educational about pornography. Some guy in Arizona named “Cliff” learned differently after he won a Bubba the Love Sponge-sponsored date with Naughty Alysha—and his live-in “ex” answered the phone to learn she was his “ex.”

Moral: Lying can not only lose you a quality lay, it can hand it to your two runners-up. Bonus Moral: Girls like guys who’ll kiss them after they’ve swallowed their cum.

Other important lessons include the fact that amateur porn stars like to pick up cute guys while buying ice cream at a seaside shop and then take them home and fuck them. Likewise, a drive to a porn shop with an active gloryhole provides a lively evening’s entertainment, so perhaps lining the halls isn’t always a bad choice. Finally, Alysha posts a Craigslist ad begging for sex, resulting in a traditional porn lesson: Even monosyllabic men can get porn pussy if they play their cards right.