"So you vant to be porn shtar?" asks an icy blonde (borrowing Zsa-Zsa Gabor?s accent) to a cum-guzzling newbie. Just as it beings with a couch-casting cliché, the verbal material gets even worse ? nor is it aided by mumbling actors and an unnecessarily loud/annoying music track. Even the lighting and camera angles are totally blah.

Such distractions aren?t nearly as offensive as wasting this attractive cast, but Black is in the dark; figuratively and literally. Each scene of his "models" testing out their latest career choices becomes more pedestrian than the previous encounter. That?s one helluva long distance call to even bother phoning in. The gals are probably worth a tug for really tolerant fans.

Retailing: Imports/anal.