There is not one underwater fuck scene is this supposed "mermaid" video. What up with that? Instead, we get some sort of inter-scene narration about how mermaids have shed their scales and now walk on land. This is annoying, as are the new age soundtrack and odd sexual setups. (Note to Kovi: fake afros, not sexy.) Thing is, Private still manages to produce consistently scorching hot porno.

Mercedes scene alone is worth the rental, and even the worst Private-produced sex trumps most other efforts. Victoria Swinger's threesome is hot, too, with her wicked smile and wanton cocklust.

Pre-nom for Best DVD Menus. The fact that Kovi went so far as to get all that underwater gear for the menus and the between-scene interludes is nuts, but real pretty.