Now these are the type of girls my mother wants me to marry – foul-mouthed bitches who settle their problems by ripping each other’s breasts off.

Three segments make up this one-hour tape; the best being “Frustration City,” where some simulated sex using a simulated penis results from the battle of two lesbians on a bed.  The first segment, which pits Suzie May vs. Janie Lee (both with tattooed breasts), is laughably bad (literally, since these girls are laughing while fighting) as each take an eternity to rip the other’s clothes off.  The nudity does little to enhance the boring bout.

Sue vs. Jane is married by pointless butt banging and whispering between the girls that the viewer inadvertently hears.

I’ve seen a few wrestling tapes in my day and there’s plenty that are sexier and more exciting than Hometown Girls.