All I could think, as I watched this production, was that if the almighty had intended for us to do it this way, somebody would have let me know.  I mean, they never said anything about this in hygiene class.  Not that they said much of anything there.  Nevertheless, since I have become the aficionado of anality, I have to say to our female readers, take two aspirin and watch.  It only hurts for a little while.

Ever since I watched incredulously as Vanessa Del Rio uttered the immortal line “I never did this before” for the umpteenth time, and since a gynecologist friend advised “you sure don’t have to worry about whether you remembered the pill back there,” I have been sort of hung up on anal sex.  In this epic, everybody’s doing’ it, except for our hero and heroine.

Marsha (Sheri St. Claire) has tried every way to please hubby John (Peter North), but to no avail.  She knows what he wants, but common sense or hemorrhoids preclude her satisfying his desires, which of course culminates with a trip up the “Hershey Highway.”

After she catches him watching a “back door” videotape (cute), she agrees to take to the old family motor home to learn the secrets of “Tobacco Road.”  He gets a couple to show him the ropes, watches the caretaker of the park plum the depths and then seduces the gardeness (or whatever the feminine “gardener” is).  But he is observed by Marsha, while sampling the forbidden fruit.

What comes (sorry) next is the great confrontation.  Marsha tells John she saw him porking the tomato.  Is she jealous?  Does a brown bear use a potty?  Of course not.  Marsha shows true grit and John, as they say, gets his way.

“AHA,” you wonder, “haven’t we seen this before?”  Does the brown bear besmirch the woods?  You bethca.  But (sorry again), it’s not what they do, but the way they do it that makes this video venture palatable.  The performers are virile and agile, as well as attractive. The production, under Jim Reynold’s guidance, is excellent – as proven by the lush photography.

By the way, I conned my main squeeze into watching Back Road To Paradise.  It didn’t work. Maybe you’ll have better luck. If not, there’s always the brown bear.