There is a mainstream movie, which shall remain nameless, in which the heroine claims she is "all grown up and haired over." Used to be that was the criteria for womanhood. Today we have to deal with sheared beaver and furless foxes; bald is beautiful, coiffed quiffs are passé.

This feature starts off with a young lady hacking away at her lower hirsute endowment. She hacks and hacks, until I feel like screaming "Put a *&%$ blade in the thing." Then she has sex. But this is only a videotape our hero is watching and has nothing to do with the story. Why is it there?

The story deals with a hillbilly couple, whose failing barbershop is saved by their cousin's suggestion that they turn their clients upside down and make their fortune de-bearding the clam, as it were. So much for the story.

The sex in To Live and Shave in L.A. is extremely hot and well laid out by veteran-performer-turned director Ron Jeremy. Every base is covered from oral to anal to lesbian to straight, and really well photographed. It will, dear reader, straighten out everything on you that is bent.