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Don?t Get Them Wet!!!

Don?t Get Them Wet!!!

Released Jul 01st, 1987
Running Time 80
Director Vinni Rossi
Company Vidco
Cast Jerry Butler, Breezy Lane, Paula Winters, William Margold, Viper (I), Domino (I), Mike Horner, Jonathan Lee
Critical Rating AAA
Genre Feature



Remember when Hoyt Axton bought the Gremlins?  He was told not to get them wet and especially not to feed them after midnight.  Hoyt didn’t obey the command, and is now doing beer commercials.  As for the Gremlins, they made for some pretty big box office and video rental figures.

So now Mike Horner tries his luck.  He chances into a “pet shop” to buy a birthday gift for his college buddy, Jerry Butler.  Horner, who has an astute eye for a good sale, gets a deal on a “Nymphlin.” Nymphlins come with basically the same handling instructions as gremlins and are packed in an easy, disposable sandwich wrap.  Butler takes one gander at his present named Beta (Viper) and immediately pops a wet shot. Perhaps Jerry should have stuck with the VHS format.

Beta immediately increases to the fourth power, and now Horner and Butler are saddled with more action than the Lincoln Tunnel on a Friday afternoon.  What to do with a roomful of voracious android sex pet maneaters.  Horner and Butler share the wealth with another buddy “Bongo,” The Bodybuilder (Jonathan Lee) who’s given to stroking his beard and tossing out his “lats.”  Bongo’s solution to the entire special concepts problem is a six pack and a baseball bat. The six pack is for drinking.  The baseball bat for cracking heads.  Only these nymphlins are really well-meaning, soulful creatures who purr and wear hairdos that resemble skunk pelts.  Nymphlins remind you of baby seals.

Instead of baseball homicide, we get more wet shots.  Probably on a larger budget, one might have expected a substantial increase in the nymphlin population.  No so. What we wind up with is a typical college dorm party with crazy T-shirts and naked nymphlins in those weird hairdos and high heels.  Butler and Horner excel in this style o slob art comedy.  And Viper, aside from the body embellishments, and removed from the usual biker and reformatory gigs she’s been doing, gives us at least just cause for getting  nymphlins wet.

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