Recall the worst acting you've ever seen in any adult feature and you've got the acting in Girls Of The Bamboo Palace. Just try to keep a straight face when Don Fernando tells you how he's an investigative reporter and that orientals are taking over the U.S. Try not to laugh when Blake Palmer proves that eight years' experience in over 200 films and videos has taught him nothing about delivering lines or having sex on camera. "I will get to the bottom of this," says Don with a conviction of someone saying that the garbage isn't full so the can doesn't have to go out. The sex scenes are just as ridiculous. Slow motion is used as Kimi "Squeaky" Gee/Tony Montana stint to ill-effect; and Jade East could have used jumper cables to get David Sanders to show some life. The story goes nowhere, the sex is limp and the performances are laughable. But the box is pretty.