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Chained Heat II

Chained Heat II

Released Oct 01st, 1993
Running Time 98
Director Lloyd Simandl
Company New Line Home Video
Cast Kimberly Kates, Kari Whitman, Brigitte Nielsen, Paul Koslo
Critical Rating Not Yet Rated
Genre Alternative

Rating


Reviews

Wannabe screenwriters, take heart.You have a harbor and refuge for your homeless scripts. Just contact New Line Home Video, because if Chained Heat II can get made, ANYTHING can get made.

Describing this film properly would take minds more resourceful and wordflow more facile than the meager gifts which I possess. The picture is camp of the highest order. And, like Chained Heat, Captive Women, The Big Bird Cage, Red Heat and all other women-in-prison flicks that have come and gone before, Chained Heat 2 adheres to the same, basic time-honored criteria: framing a beautiful and innocent woman for a crime then tossing her into a cesspool of wanton lesbianism and egregious overacting.

Beautiful Kimberly Kates is the woman in question, who gets nailed for smuggling cocaine and is tossed into a Czechoslovakian hellhole where all the inmates either have red or strawberry blonde tresses (I'm not kidding) and all look like gulag Playmates-of-the-Month. This Lady Clairol concentration camp is run by warden Brigitte Nielsen, who rules with an iron peignoir. Although she loses her Czech accent about a third of the way through the pic, Nielsen facilely manages both a porn and dope ring out of the prison which requires the inmantes to cut grams into packets while in the nude!!

Looking for help in all the wrong places, Kates' sister, palyed by equally gorgeous Kari Whitman, runs to the U.S. Consul, who turns out to be the mastermind of the dope operation. How do you spell FAT CHANCE?

Now, you're probably asking, yourself at this point, fuck the plot, does Nielsen take off her clothes? Well, she has some close brushes, thanks to a couple of cheesecake Sapphic encounters, but, technically, no. But that doesn't stop the rest of the cast from indulging in the standard-issue shower sequences and, get this, a "Monte Carlo" night. Apaprently this prison offers the community cultural events wherein a bunch of rich old geezers get to spin the wheel of fortune for chips and prizes, the prizes being the girls.

Played very straight, the lines, perforce, come out very crooked, given the overall context of cheesiness and dumb-witted circumstances. Then, again, if you like celluloid kitsch, this is your baby. Personally, I love this flick, especially the hilarious guns-a-blazin' jail break which reminds you more of an end-of-month sale at Nordstrom's.

Chained Heat 2

is the kind of drive-in style film Joe Bob Briggs gives his highest rating to. After all, any flick that has naked tits, kung fu, tongue fu, gun fu, bun fu, Rambo Fu, coke fu, porn fu, torture fu and Brigitte Fu all wrapped in one, has got to be a winner.



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