The last time I held a conversation with a lady in a cage, I was in the county tank being arraigned on a D.W.I. Come to think of it, it was I who was in the cage and the nice lady was my lawyer. Not that this has any bearing on Buttslammers 8, except that in the opening scene Lois Ayres is also enclosed in a cage (albeit one that could comfortably house a fox terrier with swollen glands). She's carrying on a casual exchange with Shane Tyler and Ariana; the gist of it which runs something like this — Shane: "Where's Bruce?" Lois: "He's not here." Shane: "Well, I came to shoot a video." Ariana: "Maybe we can practice until he gets back."

In other words, the usual mind-expanding discourse that you'll find in any Bruce Seven vid. Wasn't it Thumper the rabbit in Bambi who said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" Which, under the circumstances, I would amend to: If you don't have anything to say at all, shut the fuck up and take your pants off. I mean, Bruce, we love your stuff — sincerely — but if you hate dialogue so much why mangle the language at all?

Cut to the chase: Buttslammers 8 is just as nasty as its sister volumes; just as oiled up, just as rubber gloved, just as every ol' thing — a carbon copy of a highly successful format. Being a libertarian I'm loathe to begrudge anyone for making bucks off a proven marketable commodity. As a critic, though, I've been to this barbecue before.

Nevertheless, new viewers will have an eye-opening experience in store for them. For fans who prefer bigger revues, the entire cast manages to fit in a raucous dance routine which kind of resembles the June Taylor Dancers and the Doc Johnson catalog. Keeping track of all the digits, genitalia and toys proves to be more of an undertaking than playing a game of Stratomatic baseball in the deep end of a public swimming pool. I opt for the one-on-ones.VixXxen, in particular makes a standout partner for slim, freckled Brook Waters and Bionca (in separate scenes) being the aggressor with the former and subordinate to the latter. Blindfolded, Brook gets VixXxen's finger, then a chrome dildo up her ass; all the while using a giant clit buzzer to help her along the road to joyful orgasms. After a long session of teasing, slapping, kissing and spitting into VixXxen's slutty slit, Bionca gets an upper hand — or shall we say a folded pair of hands; prayer style — right into her cooze. Make a wish!

Once again, there's a self-"censored" portion with Kaitlyn Ashley, Ivy English and Sindee Coxx, but the action hardly seems to warrant it (as opposed to the dildo-on-a-drill from Vol. 7, which seemed less gimmicky). Another guaranteed winner. Case closed.