Mistress Shayne gives Lady Sabrina the ultimate birthday present — three submissive, tied up and not too intelligent men. Sure beats flowers.

Victim #1 needs to be disciplined because of his constant whining and juggling of the ladies names. He has the memory of a hallucinating, schizophrenic Alzheimer's victim. (I'm a pacifist and I wanted to kick his ass). The ladies spank him and strap on a blood pressure checking, esophagus expanding, piece of equipment with which he's forced to sing "Happy Birthday." Games of nipply winks, Mr. Marionette (he has both arms and legs manipulated with ropes), and scrotum swatting are played.

Our second contestant is warned not to laugh as he's being worked over with a feather. Mr. Giggles has clothes pins attached and whacked off his feet. The collared collie has his hairy heiney spanked and tugged. His BVD-draped pecker is paddled, and he is asphyxiated with the leather scented crotch of Mistress Shayne.

Bachelor #3 is a molar-missing, Leon Spinks lookalike. Leon, like the champ he is, takes some nipple clamps and then is hung out to dry as the girls affix clothes pin upon his nips & chest. Our little athletes then use the crop for some batting practice and fungo the clips off his bod. Using a whip they dust his crotch as if it were home plate, stick it in his mouth and have him sing "Happy Birthday."

I think next year I'll get her a gift certificate at Whips-R-Us.